If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.  In doing so you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.  Proverbs 25:21-22  NIV

 

Let’s be totally honest here, when someone has done you wrong, the last thing you want to do is be nice to them, right?  The last thing you want to do is to provide for their needs and help them out.  Now heaping burning coals on their head sounds a lot better right?  So this verse almost sounds like a contradiction, be nice to them so that you will be hurting them?

Let’s look at what the Bible says in dealing with our enemies.  Romans 12:19-20 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath:  for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord.  Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him, if he thirst, give him drink:  for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.  So there is our verse again, just after it says that God will handle vengeance.  Matthew 5:44 tells us to love our enemies, pray for those that persecute us, do good to those that hate us, and pray for those who spitefully use us and persecute us.

During the time that Paul was preaching there were several customs involving hot coals on the head.  One was if a stranger was passing through and was cold, you would place hot coals on his head to warm him up.  Another was that if your neighbor’s fire went out they would come and get some hot coals from you to rekindle the fire.  They would carry these coals back to their house in a bucket on their head. You show kindness to him by giving him hot coals.  But again we must look at what the Bible says. Psalm 11:6 says, “On the wicked He will rain fiery coals and burning sulfur; a scorching wind will be their lot.”

Several different translations of the Bible say that in being kind to your enemy you will bring shame on them or awaken their conscience.

You have several choices when someone wrongs you or does something to anger you.  You can bring yourself down to their level and take revenge.  You can walk away.  Or you can do what the Bible says and respond with kindness.  Now in all honesty, I think that this verse is listed not once but twice in the Bible because God is trying to tell us that our kindness does not mean that this person will go unpunished.  There are many verses in the Bible that talk of how the evil, wicked  people will be destroyed.

Now I have tried all three approaches at one time or another.  So I can relate my personal experience to you.  I have taken revenge on those that have wronged me.  I have stooped to their level and given them the same treatment.  That really didn’t solve anything.  It may have made me feel better in the beginning, but no great reward long term. This does nothing for you other than to destroy your witness. I have walked away.  In all honesty there have been situations where I was so angry that the kindest thing I could do was walk away.  Romans 12:18 tells us that if it is possible, as far as it depends on us, we should live at peace with everyone.  If you find yourself in a situation where you have tried your best, then walk away before you let that person destroy your witness.  Now let me tell you this, when you respond with kindness, you will be amazed at what God will do.  You see God’s word never fails us and this scripture passage is no exception.  I have learned that when I respond to unkind people with kindness that God rewards me and punishes them. Now God only punishes them if they don’t repent and change their ways.

But let me make this abundantly clear, if your motive is to hurt them then you are not understanding what I am saying.  You see first and foremost, we must forgive them.  Jesus told Peter that he was to forgive his brother 70 times 7.  That’s a lot of forgiveness, but that’s what Jesus said to do.  So first of all forgive them, you will be amazed at what it will do for you.  Once you forgive them, ask God to remove any bitterness from your heart against that person.  Then be kind to them.  Now I have actually put this into practice and I can tell you what I have experienced.  You see, once you forgive someone and pray for them and are kind to them, God rewards you with a peace in your heart. This peace actually makes me feel sorry for the person because I realize that if they had this same peace in their heart, they wouldn’t treat others so badly. The hope is that our kindness will bring that person into repentance and salvation.  But if that person remains hard hearted and does not change their ways, watch out.  God doesn’t take kindly to people mistreating His children.  See, you are a child of God.  Your heavenly Father takes care of you.  This is not good for those that come against us.  I have seen God bring so much destruction onto a person that has come against me that I have literally prayed to God to please ease up on them.

You see we need to be consistent.  We need to stand tall and strong.  We need to not bend to and fro based on how someone else behaves. And most importantly we must remember that kindness is not weakness.  Let’s face it, it takes a whole lot more strength and discipline to be kind to that person.  But we know from what the Bible tells us that kindness is rewarded and wicked people who plot evil will be destroyed (Psalm 37:20).  So be strong and be kind.

Have a great day!