What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.
James 4:1-3 CSB
A week ago today we celebrated the marriage of my stepson to a wonderful woman who is beautiful inside and out. Seeing the love and joy on their faces made my heart happy. I prayed and will continue to pray that God will bless their marriage and keep it safe and strong.
We like to believe that in all relationships the participants will live happily ever after, but sadly often this is not the case. We live in a world where many relationships are temporary. I don’t think any of us enter into a friendship or an intimate relationship thinking it will fail, but they often do.
We don’t enter into a relationship thinking that we will get into a major disagreement with the other person and the relationship will fail, but it sometimes happens. Even churches split. Why does it happen? Well, I’m glad you asked because James addresses that very thing in chapter 4. He says that the source of our quarrels come from the passions that wage war within us. James isn’t the only one to address these passions that wage war within us. Paul says in Romans 7:23, “But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me.” Then he says in his second letter to Timothy in 2:23, “But reject foolish and ignorant speculation for you know that it breeds quarreling.” In Titus 3:9, Paul warns, “But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, arguments and quarrels about the law, because these things are pointless and worthless.” Peter says in 1 Peter 2:11, “Beloved I urge you as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from the desires of the flesh which war against your soul.”
Our fleshly desires, which lead to sin, is at the root of failed relationships. Marriages fail because of adultery. The seventh of the Ten Commandments says, “You shall not commit adultery.”
Relationships fail because of envy. We are jealous of what someone else has, but the tenth commandment tells us that we should not covet anything that our neighbor has. James says that we desire and do not have, we murder and covet and cannot obtain.
He goes on to say that we do not have because we do not ask. Jesus said in John 14:13-14, “Whatever you ask in My name, I will do it so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.” Now this statement is a whole other matter. Does this and the statement in James mean that God will just give us anything we want? No, read the Scripture passage in John again. Jesus will do what brings glory to the Father in the Son. When we pray and ask for those things that line up with God’s will, our prayers will be answered. Remember in the model prayer, Jesus taught His disciples to pray in Matthew 6. In verse 10, He taught them to pray, “Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” If we love the Lord with all our heart, our desires line up with His will.
We are also told in James, we often pray and do not receive because we pray with wrong motives. We pray to obtain money or other things to gratify our flesh.
As human beings, we often attempt to gratify our fleshly desires. This leads to trouble, heartbreak and disappointment. We want what others have. We are selfish. But, with God’s help, we can do much better. We can be the kind of child, parent, spouse, sibling, co-worker or friend that has good solid relationships. We can do our part to prevent the relationship from failing. And who knows, perhaps we can even guide others into doing the same.
The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we share with Jesus Christ. If we please Him, the Bible tells us He will make even our enemies to be at peace with us. Trust in God to help you fight the war that rages in each of us. Ask Him to bless those relationships you cherish. Turn to Him today.
Have a great day!