“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.  If they listen to you, you have won them over.  But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.  If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church, and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”  Matthew 18:15-17 NIV

What I love about the Bible is that every situation in life is covered in here.  It’s like a manual of policies and procedures for us Christians to use.  This particular passage deals with confronting someone who has sinned against you.  The reference to brother or sister is referring not only to a biological sibling but a brother or sister in Christ.

Now I want you to notice something here.  It does not say that if someone sins against you that you should blast them on social media.  It does not say that you should call 1 or 10 of your closest friends and tell them what a horrible person this person is.  It does not say that you should rally everyone you know to turn against this person.

It says that you should go to this person and discuss the problem with them.  This is a critical first step.  The reason for this is because often times when we take offense to something that someone does or says, that person has no idea that they have offended us.  So they are just going on with their life not having any idea why we are upset with them.  I had a situation with one of my best friends many years ago.  My best friend stopped speaking with me.  I did as the Bible said and called and asked if I had offended her in some way.  I told her if I had that I was sorry.  She denied that there was a problem but continued to refuse to speak with me when she saw me out and about.  It became obvious to mutual friends and they were even asking what was going on.  We did not speak for 10 years.  I wish she had just come to me and let me know what I had done to offend her.  I had certainly not intentionally done anything, but I guess I had unknowingly offended her in some way.  Now at some point, after ten years of not speaking, we ran into each other and she spoke to me as if nothing had happened.  Tired of this feud, I spoke with her and we resumed our friendship.  We were never as close as we once were, but we are still friends to this day and to this day, I have no idea why she stopped speaking with me.

Now if you go to this person and lovingly and kindly explain to them why you are offended, and they listen to you and hear what you have to say, and agree to work things out with you, that’s awesome.  You can resolve the problem and resume your relationship.  Remember to confront them in private, with only the two of you present.  At this point, you do not want to involve anyone else.  This is giving them the benefit of the doubt and is especially good if they unintentionally did this.  It could help to avoid any embarrassment on their part.  Remember, if you involve everyone on the planet in this problem before you try to work things out between the two of you, it may be much harder to talk to them.  This may offend them and now you have two offended people.

However, if they refuse to listen and are unwilling to discuss the matter, or compromise in any way,  then you have a problem.  Now the Bible says here that you should bring one or two others along with you.  You don’t want this person to think that you are trying to gang up on them so at this point I would suggest that it be neutral parties and certainly no one that may intimidate this person.  The reasons for doing so are stated in this scripture passage. First and foremost, a neutral party or parties can serve as a mediator.  They can give testimony and hopefully an unbiased opinion and maybe be able to offer a compromise that neither of you may have thought of in the heat of the moment.  The second reason to bring one or two others is to be a witness as to what transpires at this meeting.  You don’t want this person going back saying that you came in threatening them or trying to bully them into your way of thinking.

Now the next section of  this scripture passage is dealing with church discipline.  We would love to think that everyone in church conducts themselves in a Christian manner, but sadly that is often times not true.  I’ve heard many people say that they don’t go to church because of the behavior they have witnessed in church members whether out and about or even at church.  For this reason, there is sometimes a need to discipline a church member.  So if a church member offends another member the offended party is instructed to follow the aforementioned instructions by speaking with them privately and if necessary with one or two witnesses.  Now if the offender still refuses to listen, then here it says to bring them before the church, tell the church of their offense and let the church decide how it should be handled.  Now if the church makes a decision on how it should be handled and this person still refuses to listen, we are then instructed to treat them as a pagan or a tax collector.  In other words break ties with this person.

We have been discussing for several days how God wants us to treat people who are not kind to us.  We have to accept that some people, even some fellow church members may unwittingly allow themselves to be used by satan.  Satan uses people to offend us.  When this happens, he hopes that we will become angry enough to sin.  It is his hope that we will show people our worst side and if he really works hard, perhaps he can destroy our witness.

This is where keeping focused on Christ comes into play.  If we stay focused on God, then we will find it much easier to live for Him and not allow these distractions to cause us to stray.  God’s word tells us to pray for those who persecute us and to love our enemies, but it doesn’t tell us to be a doormat.  In this scripture passage today, it tells us to confront the problem head on and if you are unable to resolve the matter in the biblical way outlined, to disassociate yourself with this person.

If you are having a problem with someone today, remember to check the manual.  There is something in there to tell you exactly how to handle any situation you may be facing.  So check your manual and do it God’s way and have a great day!